dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
In America we eat man semen.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
