well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
