Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize