Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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