we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
