dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
