i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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