It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
