He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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