I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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