don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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