So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
