Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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