I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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