im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
