How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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