She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
