WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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