You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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