If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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