yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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