You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
