I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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