when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
