im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
