i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
