she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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