Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
