Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
