Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
