Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
