there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
