I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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