dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
