I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
