the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
