im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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