At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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