My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize