for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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