You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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