well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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