ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
