fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
