He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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