just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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