Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
