i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
