even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
