you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize