explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
