you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
