so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
tell me about the fingering
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