I'm pants shitting drunk right now
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
