so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am one with the molecules
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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