Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she smelled like a LAN party
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think your dad took our porno
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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