my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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