dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
