I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
