Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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