Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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