Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
