I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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