Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
