i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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