Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize