Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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