period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
