I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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