Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize