3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
