Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
