just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
