That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
