For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the day after is always just damage control
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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