My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What a dumb baby whore.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
