that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
