After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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