i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
its not stalking. its research.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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