I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
