you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
