is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
