The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
