just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
