Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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