I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
