Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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