Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
