My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
