Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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