Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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