but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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