I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize