Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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