i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
