nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
