When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
