i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
